Day 18 Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage

   I believe if two people are in love they should be able to marry.

The bible is against it: as I said I am Christian however times have changed the bible also states not to eat animals with split hooves yet how many people follow that?

Separation between church and state 'nuff said.

There's so much to be said on this matter however it's really early in the morning/late at night I post these sooo... I'm too tired.

 Not labels, judgement or discrimination

Day 17 Abortion

Abortion

I am pro-life. Even if I was raped and ended up pregnant I'd still have the baby. I'd put it up for adoption but I don't believe a child should be denied life because of the father or because it was a mistake. Adoption is so easy and it may give a couple who couldn't have children the baby they always wanted. I don't believe it should be our decision that a baby should die just because we or someone else made a mistake.

   I am not absolute in this, say a 13 year old girl got pregnant and she'd die or have severe complications if she carried the baby to full term or if your own life is in danger if you had this baby. That's a different story. Anything that wouldn't be a choice made of selfishness.

  I also know people have a different opinion and I respect that. If you want to go to a respectable place and abort your baby that's none of my business. It's your body and you can do what you want. I will however bring up adoption and tell you my own adoption story and let you know you have other options. I will not however stand around an abortion clinic and tell you you're a murderer. I don't like abortion. I don't like the idea of denying a person the right to live no matter how unformed that person is. 

  Basically I like to believe I can care about everyone. My little "sister" (fiance's little sister) has a friend I don't particularly like. I find her annoying and attention seeking but I'll still give her advice and I don't like seeing her hurt. And I look at someone being pregnant as a being that may one day find their own love, hopes and dreams. And I don't think it's right to take away it's future to suit your own selfish needs because there's adoption where you don't have to take care or even want the child and you can find someone that will.

   If you are old enough to have sex you should be mature enough to take care of your mistakes. I don't see this as a solution to your mistake but a way of avoiding responsibility.

   If you have had an abortion I know it's hard I've heard the story's and I am NOT judging you. You had your reasons and I respect that (unless it's "I didn't want stretch marks"). I know there's guilt and shame and millions of other emotions I could NEVER understand and I admire your strength for having to deal with it all.

  

   Basically:

1) Have the baby adopted

2) You're denying a being the right to a future

3) I don't judge pro-lifers or women who have had abortions

4) This is my view and I believe different opinions are great

5) Forcing other people to try to have the same opinion as you is not

  

   Think of anyone who's influenced your life for the better that could be your child helping someone else. Your child could find the cure to cancer or be a future president or even just an awesome worker. Does it really matter? Whether they'd be important or not it's still a future life that will never be if aborted.

There's my view you're completely welcome to have your own.

Comment with your view and why. I love variety :3

Day 16 Religion

My view on religion

   I will start off saying I'm Christian. Not the go-to-church-every-sunday kind but the find my own way. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz41Y-4dttg here's basically my thing also. I don't like the preaching of don't do this and don't do that and only if you convince enough people will you get into Heaven. I believe in the loving God not the judge. Yes I live my life with morals but I believe in forgiveness not blame. I also don't think cramming Jesus down peoples throats will help. A lot of my friends might not know that I'm Christian but the ones that do know how serious I am about it. 

   I bring people to God in obtuse ways. I also go to a sort of "alternative" church for "people who don't do church". This is the kind of church where they tell you to reach into the offering bucket if you need grocery money or gas money to get to work. And you know where the money is going to because they tell you and they show the progress they make. http://www.crossing-church.com/ There are quite a few people calling the Crossing a cult, possibly because they accept recovering addicts and the people are willing to volunteer their free time to see this church succeed.

   Reasons why The Crossing Church is a cult

 1) People get hooked to coming to church and keep returning

 2) They get tons of donations

 3) They play rock music at the services

 4) They have support groups for recovering addicts and other "unsavory characters"

   Honestly it's all a load of B.S. and I'm not saying everyone who goes to more traditional churches are all this way but when something works and just clicks for a large group of people it has to be a cult right? No the exact opposite, The Crossing accepts you no matter what they want you to get connected so you can feel apart of something bigger. One of the main human needs is to feel a part of something. 

   Wow... this kind of turned into a rant... awkward...

   Basically I'm Christian but I believe everyone has a right to live their life how they want. However when you are against a certain group like Christians or Agnostics I think you need to realize there are other people like you just on the other side.

   I don't know why humans have to have conflict. I know this sounds naive but I really do just wish people could accept everyone else. Granted there are exceptions like rapists, serial killers, KKK etc. But to say a certain group of people are "wrong" for what they believe is absurd.

   For Christians: Can you for sure prove they're going to hell? No? Then shut your mouth and mind your own business

   For Atheists: Can you FOR SURE prove there's no God? No? Then same to you

   For people like me who don't give a shit what other people think? High five. If there were more people like you we wouldn't have all this bullshit fighting going on.

   Since I'm on controversial topics should I do gay marriage or abortion next? I'm not having any comments so I assume maybe I'll make someone a little red in the face. Hate comments would be nice all others would be even better... :)

Signing off :3

P.S. Just paid the first bit of this car off today 

   The one on the left is more what the car I'm getting looks like. Dinky I know but it works better then the pile of shit my ex has right now with "charger" spray painted on the side beat up covered with duct tape. :P

Day 15 Fake

Faking Happiness

Probably a good topic for me... You see I am an expert at faking happiness. I used to do it all the time because I was depressed. You see people don't like depressed people and I hated having so many people concerned about me, yeah I know first world problem. I grew up with no one really paying attention to me so it was uncomfortable... And I guess I just wanted to feel strong or whatever.

   I got so good at faking emotions that I had trouble figuring out what I was actually feeling and why I felt that way Moral of the story: Don't fake it, at least not to everyone find someone you trust and who won't judge or ditch you.

Day 14 Abilities

Hello potential readers,

So the website tells me I have 70 something page views but I don't believe it. If there's any questions you'd like to ask or blog posts you think I should do then comment.

Top Five magical abilities:

1) Use the force ALL THE TIME. It's pretty much the top pick for powers I'd want because then I could be lazier or more productive. This item is too high for me to reach? Use the force and will it down. Laying in bed and It's too cold to get out? Use the force to bring me the xbox controller.

2) Teleporting, f*ck yeah! Do I really need to explain this?

3) Immunity to everything disease, the laws of physics, being burned, laws etc. Not that I'd do a lot of illegal things just like if I needed to get somewhere and fast I could speed without worrying about cops

4) The ability grow out my hair at will because I have this need to constantly reinvent myself and then I could have short hair one day and long the next

5) General magic as in being able to light things on fire, change my body temp, explode any one's head I want etc.

Comment for you power ideas... :3

Day 13

The Soundtrack of my life...

   If my life had a soundtrack it'd be pretty diverse and very much filled with sad songs. For one when I was six I was in foster care with my three siblings and we were living with not very good people at the time. It was an abusive home so the first song I'll list is Concrete Angel by Martina McBride

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtNYA4pAGjI

   The focus of this song isn't necessarily for me... It applies to someone close to me and is perfect. My older sister Brenda was going to turn ten in eleven days. My biological mother was an alcoholic and lost us permanently to the foster care system when I was two. Brenda was the only constant person in our life and because my other two siblings had fetal alcohol syndrome I was pretty much always in the background she was the main source of love I got and basically the mother to us three. On November 2nd, 1999 Brenda was beaten to death by my- we'll just call him Kevin  (http://brainerddispatch.com/stories/110999/new_1109990010.shtml). All I remember of that night is being woken up by a flashlight in my face by the cops. I remember seeing her in bed and willing her to wake up that we were going to be free... I didn't know that she wouldn't wake up. I don't remember when exactly I realized that she wasn't going to come back...

The next song for my adoption

   There's probably a better song for this but it fits Held by Natalie Grant   (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-hJ87ApWtw). If I hadn't been adopted I probably would've ended up homeless or other trash. They were strict and helped turned me into the person I am today and they gave me the love and attention I had always needed.

   At the end of middle school I got hit by depression for the next four or five years I was stuck in it... With three trips to the psych ward and self-mutilation.

either Pain by Three Days Grace http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPlu227Ib8I

or Waltz Moore by From First to Last  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbQjMjcxMmQ

There was a point in my life when I hit one hundred pounds where I stopped eating. I had this stupid idea that I was "the thin girl" and when I started growing and gaining more weight I felt like I was losing my identity. I don't know why I started eating again. I think it was around another stint in the psych ward.

The Ex See Day 12

   Either Tears Don't Fall by Bullet for my Valentine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV-eSndnhKs

which works with the cheating and lighting him on fire aspect

or... My Curse by Killswitch Engage   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPW9AbRMwFU

Since you just got two posts about them that's all I'll leave it at k bai :3

Day 12

What you would say to your Ex

   You hurt me and I never told you how much. Of all the girls you chose to spend your time with you chose the skanky ugly ones. These other girls that you treated better then me. All I tried was to be this "perfect" girlfriend that let you do what you wanted and didn't get mad.

   I gave you a gift meant for someone better. And I gave it because I thought then I could keep you. When I didn't really want to keep you. I was lonely and everyone else thought we were supposed to be together. At least that's what I thought. It was the damn high school mentality sort of like how cheerleaders are "supposed" to date jocks I thought I was "supposed" to date you.

   I wish you would admit you never loved me. I wished you'd admit it was all a lie. And I wish I had never met you. I had this stupid idea of the person you were and I just deluded myself into believing that. I spent all my time wondering when I'd see you again while you were telling your friends to not tell the girl you had in your bed that you had a girlfriend. You'd try to turn me against the girls you cheated on me with, you'd make excuses and I'd pretend I believed you.

   I pretended I was ok with it.

   I pretended it didn't matter as long as I was your "girlfriend" then that was all that mattered. I pretended I loved you and I wasted three years of my life on you. Wasted so much time thinking about you and how to make you happy when you didn't give a shit about me.

   I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me...

   But I can't...

   I was just something to put your d*ck in but I was the one that made our "relationship" feel like it was just for sex? Telling me how I'd still be pretty if I got pregnant, talking about where we'd live when we got married all this bullshit that I pretended to believe.

   You destroyed me and I hate knowing that. You took the last bit of faith I had and tore it up. And now your just "Over that Charlotte shit"?

   Good luck with your new 16 year old pregnant girlfriend. I hope you don't fuck up her life anymore and I wish I could say I'm over it. But I'm not...

   I hope you die miserable and alone.

oops Day 11

[deleted]

Day 10

Your views on drugs and alcohol.

My mother and her mother were alcoholics. I'm chill with alcohol however I just have to be more careful then other people I came up with my own rules but I do sometimes enforce them on other people. 1) Don't drink when you're sad/mad/depressed etc. that's how you start the unhealthy cycle  2)Don't drink so much you end up puking/blacking out that's just fucked up and you know it. 3)Know your limit and don't let someone/s else dictate how much you drink. That's how college kids die from alcohol poisoning and chicks get date raped. 

   Other then that be smart about it. It's common fucking sense you don't have to go overboard every time and don't use it to escape life. It's to have fun not to numb out.

   Drugs. No, unless prescribed by a doctor and used properly I'm not a big fan. Experimenting, maybe but everyday use is just brainless. 

   I'm moving back to Prin-oops can't tell you, my hometown and I'm not sure how I feel about it :/ I'm really going to miss Fargo...

   Wish me well on my next job hunt bai :3

Day 9

   So last night as usual I fell asleep with all these wonderful ideas in my head for funny little stories to tell you... I woke up and I have no idea what they were. Something about the gay friend I have...

    Like once upon a time he kept drinking the alcohol at a friends house so after I drank a smirnoff I filled it with water and mixed a ton of salt in it and it looked like the normal drink... I did this knowing he'd drink it... Sadly I wasn't there when he did XD

     k well that's all for right now bai :3

   

Day 8

Something you’re currently worrying about.
  The future, but who doesn't? I don't know what I'm doing and I'm not sure how I'm going to get there. I'm worried me and my boyfriend won't resolve our issues. I worry about anything and everything. I have this thing called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It means I'm a freak that can't relax and I'm always worried about unrealistic things happening like "What if the end of the world happened right now?" or "What if he was hit by a car and killed?". Things that normal people don't think randomly. 
   I also used to have really bad social anxiety. I'm adopted and being around my new adoptive family was hard for me because growing up I spent a lot of time alone and I was in fostercare so it was strange for me to be around a family setting. I've gotten better with my anxiety and I can manage it. Now I'm just "shy" I suppose that's still kind of my anxiety because I can't introduce myself to people. If I go to a party and don't know anyone I will sit in a corner by myself too scared to walk up to someone until they come over to me and start talking to me... Then I'm just chatty cathy and the friendliest thing. Until then... I'm asocial... =.=
   And even it I so much as think of going up to someone I don't know and talking to them my heart beats hard and fast I get all hot and dizzy and wow I didn't realize I was such a freak until this moment lawl. 
   I feel like I need to make these longer. But perhaps that's just me. It seems most people's blogs are PAGES long... Then again if it's too Long: Didn't Read.

   People that know me think I'm awesome whereas I think I'm boring as fuck... Actually now that I think about it my opinion is usually the exact opposite of those around me...

   One last thing...

kay bai :3

oops Day 7

Your opinion on cheating on people.
   I hear girls say "It's not cheating if it's with another girl" That's complete bullshit. If your dating someone and you kiss someone else that's cheating. It's almost like saying "Well I got a bl*w j*b from a guy so that's not cheating" BULLSHIT. I just had a good friend try to pull the "If it's another girls it's not cheating". And let's just say I'm not exactly friends with her anymore. 
   I can't stand cheaters. If you can't stay faithful then just whore around instead of being in a relationship where you'll only break their heart. Or at least be honest. "Hey I like fooling around with everyone. So this won't exactly be exclusive".

  I hate cheaters... kthxbai :3

Day 6

 The person you like and why you like them.
   What a mundane and silly question *sigh*.
   I will not give a full name here but his name is Adam we've been dating for a year and a half. I like him because he's spunky not afraid to look stupid (which he never does). He treats me like a queen and we're engaged.. He lives in my hometown and I live with him for nine months and thats where I'm moving back to.

   Anyways just bought the Borderlands DLC's so I'm puurty excited will probably be wasting most of my free time playing it woot! woot! So excuse me while I continue my quest...  :3

Day 5

5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.
   Opposite Sex: Their readiness to fight. And the fact that sometimes they take play fighting too far then shit just gets awkward. That they think because I'm female and girls think they're attractive that I automatically should think that too. Arrogance. Neediness. Insecurity. When they have a crush on you for years and never tell you because they're scared when you've had a crush on them too.

   Same Sex: Their sensitivity. How I can't make a joke without being called a bitch. When I have a lot of guy friends so they assume I'm a slut and I've slept with all of them. When they think you're trying to "steal their man" B*tch I have NO interest in the dude. Back stabbing. How they also complain about all these things but then turn around and do the same exact shit =.=... 


   It's my day off and had a wonderful fight with the bf before I wanted to wake up =.=. I love when I just want to sleep in and someone ruins it with a fight. Made cheesecake and it looks like shit but I got it from the dollar store and its one of those instant Jello things so fucks given= 0  :3

Day 4

What you wear to bed.
   Haha awkward question. But I wear my boyfriends shirt and boxers to bed for pajamas. Nothing too special but comfy.

   Nothing to say really. Depressed at the moment and bingeing on candy. At least I can afford to I guess that's a plus. No matter how great you think your life is or how good you think you look there's always someone who's better. I don't want to be the best just feel like I'm not always a mile behind :/

bai...

Day 3

   What kind of person attracts you.

   In friends: Someone who's chill and acts their age, someone who can know I'm joking if I say something mean and teasing and realize it's just how I let my friends know I'm comfortable around them. Someone who doesn't gossip a lot and can keep secrets (other people's secrets as well as mine). Someone who shows up when they say they will and wants to spend as much time with me as I want to spend time with them.

   In a significant other. Independance, humor a little insanity and can't be lazy. I want to get out and do things with people and in different places.

   Today my plan is to take the bus and go to the mall I have three hot cash things from Hot Topic and might as well use them. It's getting chilly out... I don't know how I feel about that. I feel like my whole summer was just shit cause I didn't have much time with friends it was kind of all work and no play. Not to mention I hate, Hate, HATE winter because I'm the biggest freeze baby you'll ever  meet. I don't know how I'm moving back home next friday if my  boyfriend can't get his work off... :(

   Not much to say at the moment so ttyl :3

Day 2

How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Me 2 years ago

   When I was 17 I was still dating The Ex who was let's just say a complete waste of my time. Now I'm not going to lie I'm still heartbroken from everything that happened now he's with another girl gushing about how much they love each other and she's pregnant. This isn't to be viewed as me still having feelings for him. That's not it at all. I just don't understand how he could treat me so terrible then all the sudden turn completely around from this girl who no offense isn't as attractive and is still in highschool. Two years ago I was still a virgin. Two years ago I was miserable although to be honest I'm not doing much better I have a job now but as I've said I'm done on the 14th. My boyfriend is wonderful but I'll admit I liked it a lot more when he wasn't so needy and controlling. He says he feels like I'm not as attracted to him anymore and I suppose it's true. I'm not attracted to someone who's constantly checking up on what I do and needing to be reassured of my love... I'd tell him  but I love him and I don't want to hurt him.

   I used to think my parents were strict and unbearable now I credit them to the fact I can actually get a job and pay attention to where my money's going if it's even going anywhere.

   So an Abraham guy had my phone number before and I'm still TO THIS DAY getting calls from places trying to get a hold of him I don't know if the bastard is still listing off my number on shit but it's been OVER A YEAR. Stop calling me I don't know you or Abraham. I hate getting calls from places/people I know let alone strange shit that when I call them to tell them to get rid of my number they try to hook their claws into me and have me be part of their cult.

   No thanks.

   

   You ever have one of those days where you just want to punch everything for NO REASON like none at all. You're just sitting there and all of the sudden get this wild urge to break everything. I get that a lot. Also if I'm holding something and I see someone 9 out of 10 times will consider throwing whatever I'm holding at them. I can't tell you how many times my phone has been thrown at people... Or my iPod. Or a pop or cat or book or fish food or sandwich etc... I don't know why I do it 5 times out of 10 its an instinct thing. I'm very impulsive which is a bad thing. 

Person I just threw my wallet at: "Ow! Why the fuck did you throw that at me?!"

Me slightly dazed: "I got the urge to..." or "I have no idea..."

   Yep if my brain has a thought on occasion it will just act out on it without the consideration of checking with me to see if I'm ok with it. Which you know, is usually ok with me for the throwing things because it provides entertainment however the thoughts that go along the lines of "You should jump that fence in your dress" leads to "how the fuck do I get down without something embarrassing happening?" Or "It'll be ok if I...." to "WHYYYYY?! WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!"

   Yeah a lot of my friends think I'm crazy fun but a few times a little extreme. :3

Day 1

• Weird things you do when you’re alone

There's nothing too weird that I do when I'm alone. I talk to myself a lot more. I make up stories and hum songs that don't exist. I suppose I do too much thinking. I get lonely way too easy when I'm alone and I suppose that's why I'm quitting my job here and taking a pretty shitty in comparison job back home. I made youtube videos when I was alone before, they weren't that great but it gave me something to do to pass the time. Mostly I just play FFR when I'm alone.

flashflashrevolution.com

      I suppose that's why I'm on here now :). Again this will probably mainly be for my own entertainment and I'll be tempted to skip ahead and do tomorrows day today. But I won't. I SHALL ENDURE. You know this really isn't that different from a journal except complete strangers can read it... As long as you don't know me I guess I don't care that much.

   

   Because that question was answered in such a short period I suppose that's how I'll do things answer the thing and then journal : D. I'm Charlotte. I'm 19 and currently working as a waitress. Minimum wage isn't the same for waitresses where I am so I'm paid 4.25 an hour. However with tips if it's not a slow day I usually make 10 dollars an hour basically for 14 dollars an hour. 

   

   The job I'm hoping to get back home is overnight stocking at Cub for 8 dollars an hour... I told you I don't do well when alone and that's all I am living here. Back home's my boyfriend (fiancee) and friends that don't care that much but at least I can force them to spend time with me. I used to write I used to play flute I used to draw and sing and hope for things in life... However I literally have the joy of any time I get excited or look forward to something it blows up in my face. So when people say they have wonderful news for me my reaction is usually "meh" which could make them sad but also get me better surprises to try and get me excited. 

   My boyfriend's name is irrelevant. But he treats me like a queen. He has his faults and we clash in personalities while at the same time they compliment each other. It's one of those rollar coaster relationship things and it annoys the hell out of me.

   My dream ever since I remember was to sing for people. I wanted to be on the radio not for the fame but because listening to the radio and music made me happy and I wanted people to listen to me and be happy too. Plus I love singing. However I grew up in fostercare making me an overly realistic person that knows I will never become a singer. And I'm ok with that. Fact is I'm also extremely shy. 

   There's so much I could say but I'll stop here. Bai. :3