Monday, March 13, 2017
This is
It hurts, I'm so tired
My existence is composed of ice
Refuse fuel for one more day
Keep going
You're too strong
Don't be weak
Dizziness is a side effect
Of achieving perfection
5, 10, 30
Less is more
In losing I win
Let me be nothing
Just let me be thin
Being unworthy.
It's suffocating. You can tell yourself a thousand times a day that you're wrong and you deserve basic respect as a human.
You can play your lack of respect for yourself as a quirky sort of sexy secret.
You can pretend that you don't know all of the terrible reasons behind loving being choked during sex and why you're OK with clawing someone until they bleed.and why even in all your rage you want to submit.
But then someone comes along to make you feel vulnerable and it's the worst thing you've ever experienced because it hurts.
But not in a human way.
You are strong and cruel and cold and selfish. And so are they.
Don't give in babygirl. You aren't part of that world and you only bring disappointment and sadness and your own rage and fear.
You are not meant for good things yet. You aren't worthy.
You are a toy you are a demo.
You aren't worthy.
Everything was nothing. And nothing meant everything. The slightest stimulation was overwhelming. A rusty heart can't possibly keep up with the beat of life.
Fear perforated everything but nothing mattered so neither did the fear. The fear was a heartbeat the only proof of life. So when that was gone and everything went silent scars appeared to prove somehow somewhere a heartbeat would be found. Breath was not an illusion.
Purgatory.
After an asshole who didn't play PC or online called me a gamer girl and invalidated me with memes about rape.
If you know me personally you know I'm chill and reserved and I make a lot of jokes. And I'm sassy and idgaf supposedly.
I don't like putting all this effort into make up but I do, because it's what women do and I already don't relate to women enough. But I can't ACTUALLY like the things I like because I'm a woman. And all of my insecurity involving these are invalid because I'm probably on my period.
Women used to be committed to psychiatric hospitals for a made up condition called hysteria.
Wonder why.
I'm not a feminist I'm not an anything. I just think everyone needs to work on being less shitty like I have been
