Dear past me (missing you)

I love you and I miss parts of you.
I miss:
   The way you used to laugh. Things were tough but you still knew how to laugh instead of forcing it.
   Everything was in your control. Besides the eating disorder. You had a plan for everything and the motivation to carry it out.
   You had dreams and created wonderful things like poetry and art and you still thought you could eventually sing on stage again. I miss those dreams.
   The way you loved. You'd been hurt but you always knew that through all the misery and self sacrifice one day you'd find someone to love you as hard as you loved. You hoped that one day they'd help you heal....
   Your tenacity. Working 70+ hours a week while still working out and keeping everything mostly together. Damn you were good at that.
   Your confidence you broke out of your fear and met people and did crazy things and leapt without a fear of falling.
   Your strength. No matter what happened you always got back up and came back with a better plan a way to fix it and you would.
   Your openness you used to tell people when you struggled and that was beautiful. To not only be able to pick people up but ask for help in return.

I hope one day I can be as strong and unbreakable as you once we're instead of this echo of all those wonderful things.