Acension

Sometimes he leaves me lonely. Sometimes he says he'll help with something and doesn't. He spends too much time on the internet and doesn't know how to help clean without being asked. He doesn't listen to me sometimes and he interrupts me what feels like ALL THE TIME. He fucks up often.
    But when he smiles my heart beats a little faster and I have to smile too. His laugh gives me butterflies. Just looking at him does too. I think he's gorgeous. For the past seven years I've constantly been depressed and anxious only learning to tolerate it or numb all my emotions with pills. Also a gratuitous amount of self mutilation. Now when im upset I crave his arms around me instead of a blade. I want his comforting voice and not self destruction. No matter how angry I am as soon as he gets upset everything inside me goes soft and im able to realize im not angry at him, im angry because im sad. I realize I've never been angry at him.
   When he holds me, no matter how im feeling or not feeling, its warm and soft and safe. And while he's holding me it hurts less. The relief from constant emotional agony is heavenly.  Its only been a little over seven months and he's made me a better person and healed so much pain I've been holding onto some from when I was a child. He doesn't think very highly of himself. And even with all of his miniscule flaws I worship him. "I embrace your defects to admit you were my every wish."
   He gave me the courage to believe in my dreams no matter how unrealistic they are he encourages it. He makes me feel like I can do anything and everything. He lets me be free. He trusts me. I trust him more then I ever thought I could trust anyone. Words can not describe this feeling. Its like being buried in a hole my whole life and he helped me find the sunshine.
   The best part? I dont depend on him. He doesn't depend on me. We support each other. We respect each other. If we upset each other its always on accident and never on purpose and there's always an "im sorry" and comforting on the other side.  When I upset him I get sad and vice versa.
   I love this man. And he loves me.
   My Afterman. I will wait for you always. If you go on a dangerous adventure let me go too. If you disappear I will search for you. If you dont know how to show love I will learn with you. If you need to find yourself I will wait, patiently.
   I will never leave. I will never let go. I am yours.