They say my biological mom loved me and my siblings. I wouldn't know. I never knew her. They said she wanted to raise us. I wouldn't have thought that. In between the foster homes, abuse, neglect and the broken promises telling us "Mommy's sick" which now I can assume meant mommy was wasted or in the psych ward again.
But I loved her. I still do with that sick, blind devotion so cruelly hardwired in the human psyche.
Daddy never existed. I vaguely remember meeting him once but for all I know the tall man had affection for was just another dream my childhood imagination conjured up to soothe the wounds of being last in everyone's list of priorities. I was the "good" kid easy to set aside. Maybe that's why I do so many bad things.
Don't forget me.
I didn't need to be under watch all the time. My siblings were more then handfuls. They were nuclear bombs one small too-hard nudge and you were done for. I was easy to forget in the flood of their hostility.
I didn't mind the freedom
The over independence that came with it is a bitch thought. I still don't ask for help even if I really need it, I don't even accept it well.
When I got adopted everything changed. Eventually "mother" and "father", words that I never knew how to pronounce, evolved into mom and dad and soon to Mama and Papito.
Charlotte I am sorry. I am so sorry. For once I have no clue what to say. No advice that I think would help. My parents were over protective and almost to caring. I am not trying to rub that in at all I am just tryong to say I couldnt even begin to imagine that situation. All I will say is I doubt I could have handled it well myself. I am curious though and I didnt ask before. Why try to add me on facebook? Wouldn't knowing me ruin the whole anonymous E facade? Lucky I was already a friend on facebook:) it has preserved my identity. Besides who I am is not important, what is important is that I care.
ReplyDeleteYour so far unknown friend, E