If I could talk to you id tell you how I barely remember you. In my mind your face is a blur, and I hate you with everything in me. I would tell you how desperately I cling to the three memories of the sister you killed. How every day I wonder how beautiful she would be now. I would tell you how much I hate myself. How I cut, burned, bruised and starved myself for the past 14 years because I think I deserve it. I would tell you how I still cant look people in the eyes and how it hurts to be touched. I would tell you every bad thing I've let happen since because I wasn't worthy of anything better. I would blindly scream at you. I would tell you how often I've wanted to hit you give you the same fucking welts and watch you cry how I've wanted to do it over and over until you accepted that life was meant to be lived in pain and the only thing you could do was just force a laugh. And then I would cry. And I would hate you even more for seeing me cry again. And I would remind you that I don't remember. All I remember is fear and hatred.
I hate you so fucking much and I dont remember why.
